teenager woo hoo

Dear Boo,

I know it has been a year since I wrote, but today is your birthday and more so today you enter your teen years.  I wish I could be there to celebrate this with you.  Today more than ever I miss having you in my life, perhaps because after all this time I have began to question so much of my life.

I know I wasn't your real dad, and by now you may only have flashing memories of me.  So I guess what I"m saying is that by now I may not be all that of an important memory in your mind.  To me, in my heart of hearts, I raised you like my son, loved you like my son and will always and forever view you like my son.  So happy birthday Boo.  I love you more than you could ever know.

Caleb

Cultivating Compassion

Hey Boo,

Its been awhile since I updated this so I figured I would.  I don't want you to think for a second that just because I don't update this often that I don't think of you.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I think of you absolutely every day.  I just want to hit the interesting bits in my life.  After all when you stumble upon this you shouldn't have to be reading for days.  I wouldn't want you to get bored. Every once in awhile someone will ask me if i'm still doing this blog and I take that as a sign that I should up date it.  Or I'll find that your on my mind more than normal and I'll take the time to update this.  The truth is that if I sat down to write on this every time I thought of you I would never get anything else done.

I'm getting ready to do some more traveling.  It seems its harder to keep still without you in tow.  I'm enjoying the change though.  I needed to get out of Atlanta.  I'll be spending some time in Hawaii it looks like this winter.  That should be cool.  I love to explore new places.  Man we did a lot of that didn't we.

The real thing I wanted to tell you was that it looks like I'll be doing a lot of humanitarian work in one form or another.  You see I have started to really try to view the world the way that I viewed you.  I try to treat everyone with the same compassion that I would treat you and I have to tell you that has changed everything in my life.  Son, I can tell you from experience how much damage anger and hatred can do.  I will destroy a person without a doubt.  Compassion however seems to have really saved me from myself.  So I am really enjoying this stage in my life.  So that is essentially what I wanted to say.  Anger bad, compassion good.  It is important not to hold on to anger.  I know at times it may feel as though people are out to hurt you but everyone just does the best they can with what they have.  Everyone is just trying not to get hurt themselves.  The truth is Boo they are all scared to death.

I try not to take anything that people do personal even if it is directed toward me.  I see them as suffering people trying to avoid pain and I try to respond as much as I can with compassion.  I treat them the same way I would treat you.  See, you taught me a lot.  Anyway that is it for now.

I love you so much boo.    

The Move

Hey Boo,

Its been a long time since I wrote in this. But I wanted to tell you that I saw a picture of you the other day. How big you are now. My little guy is ten, hard to believe. I miss you everyday. I'm sure that by now I am far from your thoughts. I want you to know that you are never ever far from mine.

I moved son, back up North to be close to your Grandma Marie and Grandpa Ron. Your Uncle Craig and me are going to be living real close to each other. That will be nice. So you always have a place with us Zack. No matter what. Just wanted to drop you a note and let you know I'm still thinking about you and looking forward to one day giving you the biggest hug ever.

Love

Caleb

Another Father's Day

Dear Son,

It is amazing how different days can have different meanings depending on ones experience. Today is a great example of that. I used to really love father's day. Even if I didn't always get to spend it with you, just the idea of being able to play that role in your life was so great to me. Now, this day is hard for me. Father's day and your birthday are the two days that really get to me. I mean I miss you everyday. But I always have the gratitude of having had you in my life for the wonderful time that I did. On these days however, I memories are not enough to sustain me. I miss you and want nothing more than to hug you and tell you how much I love you, how much you changed me, and that I will always be a better person because of you.

I love and miss you Zack. My Buddha, my son. I will always feel that way. No matter what you may be told as you grow into a man. Know that much.

Much Love

hey buddy

Dear Son,

I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that I think of you everyday. That you are always in my thoughts and if ever you need me I am here. I know that in your short life you have seen much. You have seen things that someone your age just shouldn't have to deal with. I hope somehow that all these experiences will help to serve you in your life.

Life is sometimes very hard my son, and people seem to have a secret desire to make it even harder. To this I can only say that we always have two choices in our life. We can choose either liberation or suffering and every situation gives us that opportunity to choose. So even in the hardest of times we can find some liberation from it.

If we continue to do that little by little we become free. Others ability to harm us becomes less and our ability to help others becomes more. To each life is given this chance for greatness. So my little buddha choose well.

I Love You

Caleb

Family

Dear Son,

Sorry its been awhile since I wrote, I was in Florida visiting your Grandma Marie and Grandpa Ron. They miss you very much as do I. You would like your Uncle Craig's winter home there. Its not as big as his other place, but its has lots of horses and its very pretty. I could see you wondering around a lot taking in all the sites.

I think I miss you the most when I go on trips. I always see things that I think you would love. I think of the great adventures we would be having and all the things I would be seeing through your eyes.

I don't have anything really deep to share this time, only that I miss you a lot. I think about you everyday. Don't ever believe for a second that I wanted things to be like this. I fought for you and would do it again. I never wanted you to be away from any of us. Not me, your mom or your Grandma or Nan. I think you need everyone you love.

Good Night Son.

Caleb Storms

Twins that Blind

Dear Son,

I have learned a lot by watching people. In fact I would go so far as to say, I have learned most of what I know about the human condition by watching people. One of the things I noticed is how blinding both love and hate are. People ruin their lives and the lives of other for both.

We are told most of our lives that hate is bad and love is good. The truth however is that they are for the most part both the same. They blind us and keep us from seeing the truth in any given situation. If we hate something we can see no good in it and feel no compassion toward it. If we love something we have trouble seeing any bad in it and put our own lives on hold for it.

I don't want you to think I'm telling you not to love anyone. What I am saying is that love, just like hate can blind you. You must be careful not to put your own well being in the hands of anything outside yourself. I feel strongly that compassion is what gives us our site back after being blinded by one of these two.

If we love someone, and that someone leaves, we feel pain and suffering. If we have compassion for someone and that someone leaves, we still have our compassion and it is easily applied to all other beings. As for hate, it can not breath the same air as compassion. So you see son, build compassion toward those things that you both love and hate and you will gain your site back. You will be more stable in your happiness and will enrich all the lives that you touch.

You have been my great teacher in this. You helped me find compassion and gain my site back. You allowed me to see both the love and hate within me and how they blinded me. My compassion for you eventually saved me from myself.

Good night son.

Caleb Storms