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Dear Son,
I always wanted to be there for you, however I guess the universe had other plans. It has been hard without you in my life, I miss our adventures. Life was always an adventure with you by my side. My hope is that one day you will look me up and find this. If I am gone by then and you are grown. Take from it what you can. I will try to write daily and impart what I would have loved to tell you in person.
I guess now would be a good time to set the record straight. I have no idea what you have been told about me and how I came to call you son. First let me say that in my heart of hearts you are my son. I have never questioned that.
It is true that I am not your biological father, I have never claimed to be. I think there is a huge difference between a father and a dad. Anyone can be a father, it takes love and compassion to be a dad. I tried to be a dad to you, and will always try regardless of circumstances.
I met your mom before you were born and we became fast friends. Your bio-father and your mom were already having problems before you were born. At that point they were living in another state, but I came down often to visit. Once you were born I tried to come down at least once a month to see you and your mom. Even at that point I felt a special bond with you that I couldn't explain. I had no idea what was to come and that one day you would actually call me dad.
I remember the first time I met you. You had just been born and I rushed down with your crazy uncle to see you for the first time. I remember I walked through the door and your mom placed you in my arms. I can not even tell you what that did to me. That moment changed my life forever. I just kept looking at you, I had never in my life seen something so beautiful. Your mom was exhausted and your bio-father didn't seem to be any help at all. So I told your mom to go to bed and I would stay with you. So for the whole weekend it was me and you. It was something I will never forget.
When you were a couple of months old your mom decided to move back here with your grandma. I picked you both up at the airport and took on a more or less stable role as your babysitter. I didn't mind, in fact I looked forward to it. By this point you had changed me, I felt compassion perhaps for the first time and a love and fear I had never known. Now looking at it I realize that all fathers go through this. I had trouble putting it in perspective at the time, not knowing that the universe had destined us to become father and son.
As time went on I took on more of an active role in your life. When you were about 3 me and your mother decided that I should officially be your father. We were sharing a house and raising you like a somewhat normal family. As normal as me and your mom could ever be anyway. So we filed the paperwork to have me added to your birth certificate and gave you my last name.
I'll never forget the day we went to file the paper work. We left you with our friend poppy while we went to deal with all the legal stuff. While we were gone you asked poppy were we were. Poppy told you that we went to go sign papers so I could be your daddy. Poppy told me that you just shrugged and said "Caleb is my daddy". From that moment on I never questioned it. You had chose me and I have chose you. How many fathers and sons have that opportunity.
The day that the paper work came back was by far the happiest day of my life. I remember pulling into the driveway, I had been away for the weekend and you came running up to me with the papers in your hand. You gave me a big hug and kiss, as was your custom and handed them to me. I cannot even describe son how that felt. I was the happiest man on the planet that day and for many days to follow.
It was like that until you were six. I was there, I put you on the school bus for your first day of school and cried when I got home. I went to your first school play, changed more diapers than I can count, watched countless movies over and over. Played, laughed, walked, hugged and cuddled. You were my life, for six years, you were all my life. Loosing you was the hardest thing that I ever had to go through.
I won't go into all of that in this post, today I want to remember how I came to be known as your dad. The rest I'll save for later.
I love you Buddha.
Your Dad
Caleb Storms
